Bruno Mars, did you lie to me through song?


This was the question I asked myself after speaking to two rather significant men in my life.

B-Mars’ new song ‘Just the way you are’ had just come onto the radio, and as I cruised along in the driver’s seat absentmindedly dreaming of my own perfect man swooning me to this very tune, I was brought back to reality with a jolt when one of the two guys muttered “Geez, i wonder how many girls this guy gets now purely because of this song?!” And then they continued to argue about whether Bruno or John Mayer (with his ‘Body is a wonderland’ chick-magnet-of-a-song) would acquire more ‘tail’?

Suddenly, the sweet-as-sugar song with the gorgeous lyrics lost a wee bit of meaning. (Don’t you just hate guys? They ruin everything man.) How could this love ballad (and the only three minutes I ever allow myself to get all soppy and romantic-like) be an absolute crock? Here I was, dreaming that B-Mars would waltz in and whisk me into his arms – declaring that he loves me just the way I am, and suddenly, I come crashing down to earth with the blinding realisation that he probably only writes love ballads of this caliber because he wants to get a little somethin’ somethin’. I know! Can you believe it? A guy, doing something just to get the laid under the pretense that he’s all croony and emotional and looking for love. I’ve never heard of anything so heinous.

(Okay, so obviously you’re all probably thinking – fuck Olivia, wake up – this has been going on for donkeys years you twat! Literally the world is full of gorgeously romantic men performing sweet gestures that are secretly just trying to get girls knickers around their ankles the quickest way possible) And thank you, you bunch of smart asses, I do actually know that already! And whilst I am aware that Justin and (let’s call him Joey) Joey’s views on this sickly-sweet song are shared by men all over the globe (or perhaps these two are just a tad more man-sluttish than B-Mars), I can’t help but want to believe that some men actually really do appreciate women in all their feminine amazing-ness, flaws and all – just the way they are. But that’d be talking crazy, wouldn’t it?

P.s. B-Mars can totally make it up to me for this travesty by making my face out of tape – SO cool.






Do you want to believe that these crooners mean what they sing?

Have you ever had a love song written about you? (If you answered yes, know that I hate you just a bit.)

Don’t you HATE it when people lie to you through song? I hate it when people do that.