He’s a loser. So why do you want him?

So you all know the guy I’m talking about. The guy who’s meant to be worth so little that you wouldn’t even chuck the loose five cent coins from the bottom of your bag at his feet to see him dance moronically, for fear that he may take it as a green light and try something, in public. (shudder.)

Guys like this dude, The Situation. Don’t get me wrong, this dude is epically cool, and without him I fear i may not have a word for the unattractive female last resorts I take home to bed. Oh wait, I’ve never done that. Besides the point. At least i know if i ever did, i’d know they’d be grenades, and i could reiterate that to everyone around me – and they’d just get it. Yaknow?

So, if we push all the Jersey Shore (ahem… glamour…) to the side, this guy really is just a, well… loser. He’s probably never scored above a five in the girl hot stakes pre-JS in his life. Now he’s king of the world, being quoted in a myriad of countries – and all he had to do was be himself –  and act like a total dickhead.

It’s the same with normal guys in our lives (you know, the ones without reality TV shows), we always want the ones that we know aren’t any good. Because they treat us badly and they’re hard to obtain. You may even be like me and be completely aware of a time when he could walk right up to you and you wouldn’t even see him. He was no-one, you had far bigger fish to fry and gobble up. So how did this loser fish suddenly land himself on your plate? Looking all lemon-buttery and delicious-like?

It seems like five minutes ago you didn’t even know his last name. Now, through ‘The Elastic Band Theory’ (you know, where they flirt and stretch you to where they want you and then snap you back so fast you don’t know what hit you) he has you sobbing over lame love songs, thinking of happier times the two of you shared. Even if they were mostly boudoir-based.

The thing is lady, you know this guy is a la-hoo-sa-her. You see it. But you don’t really see it. You know he’s nowhere near your standards, he’s not nearly good enough for you, and definitely not worth a worry in the world – yet he’s got you fretting when he pops up on facebook chat, and you find yourself talking to his friends to discover where he’ll be on Saturday night.

But enough is enough. The madness, it must end. Seeing as you’re so clever and you know this guy isn’t worth the mouldy gum you find under the bus seat (awesome), how come you just can’t leave it alone? Well, it’s time to. You need to go back to the frame of mind when he was nobody. Literally pretend none of your dalliances have occurred. You’re acquaintances. You have no physical pull and your eyes and mind are locked on The Bigger Picture. Finding someone new and juicy to sink your teeth into. Someone who is not him. Get it? That means no sympathy romps, no midnight kisses and no drunken texting. Either delete his number or if you can’t bring yourself to do that – then save it as something really common like ‘Sarah’ so you forget about it/can’t find it when you’re drunk.

You’re worth a million and one of these Lima losers girly girl. He knows how amazing he had it – he just doesn’t know he knows it yet. So smile pretty girl.






Have you been guilty of falling for someone who didn’t deserve you?

Was he a right knob-head?

You’re still sleeping with the doucher aren’t you?