How to deal: when he’s not him anymore


I bet Jen never thought she’d ever be in the situation where she didn’t recognise the person in this picture with her…

(and not just because of the unsightly homeless-man-esque growth he’s been sporting of late.)

It’s because when these two swapped ‘I do’s’ in a swanky Hollywood venue, they thought it was for keeps. Jen thought ‘Gee, who would have thought I’d be waking up with the hunky piece of meat from Thelma and Louise every morning for the rest of my life?’ I bet she didn’t. She shouldn’t have either.

All it takes for some men is a wink from a minxy green-eyed seductress, and any wedding vows may as well of been a drunken pick up line to get a girl into bed – and just as memorable.

But seriously, the most upsetting thing about this topic is the way that change can rock us, and take everything we’ve ever known out from under us. Time is related to change. Time is like change’s partner in crime. They work together to turn your life upside down. People change a little bit everyday. They get inspired and affected by different things and people around them. In fact they’re lucky if the people around them can remind them of the person they are. Yep – we’re that easily influenced as humans, it’s kind of scary eh?

Imagine it. Looking up at the person you thought you were cosmically linked to forever. A person you’ve shared years with, millions of special moments and uncountable special memories, and suddenly it all means nothing. You look into his face and you can’t see anything. I know it sounds weird, but you can’t see anything. That knowing glint in his eye is long gone, the recognition and the cheeky smirk is gone. You can’t imagine that both of your heads share the same precious memories, because he looks like he doesn’t remember a thing. His eyes are looking at you, but he can’t actually see you anymore, not like he used to.

Everything is pushed to the side. Out of his view. Locked in a mental safe and the key has been thrown into the bottom of the ocean. Big blue diamond in Titanic-styles, yadig?

So, what triggers this change? The unveiling of this person that you know, but have no idea who they are. Well it could be a number of things. Long stints of travel is a common one, another woman/man (just ask Brad here), living apart for too long and simply growing apart.

The fact is (and no-one really tells you this when you’re young) is that relationships are hard work. They’re not all Happy Endings with a guy called Charming that sings like a dream and owns a place as big as Windsor Castle. Nope, it’s hard work, and commitment, and effort – and above all, it’s sacrifice.

But how do we deal? Well, the sad, confronting fact is that people change. Plain and simple. We grow up, but not always in the same direction. The truth is we have to do our best to move on, we have to change and become whatever it is we want to be. It’s a chance to start over and discover that perhaps he’s not the only one that’s changed – and that maybe, just maybe, you’ve outgrown him a little bit too?

  NQC x

Have you been with a guy who’s turned into someone completely different?

Do you think you changed a little bit too?

No, it was all him wasn’t it? Bastard.

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