The Man Whisperer
Please forgive my tardiness beauties.
I’ve been a very bad, very naughty little blogger. Off enjoying the nightlife that the start of summer brings with it, saying sod off to the winter weather, and planning a few epic adventures for 2012.
All the while depriving you, my loves, of the juice that keeps you running throughout the day, the sauce that is fuels your decision making, the mud that swallows your heart.
Enough with the yabber. I’m back – and with a bang it seems.
Last week, I grabbed two of my girlfriends and headed for the Exchange Summer event at the Ivy. This particular ‘seminar’ took my fancy as it was titled ‘The Man Whisperer’ and hosted my one of my many mentors, Samantha Brett. Joining her was SMH columnist Sam De Brito – who up until then I hadn’t heard of – but boy, did he make an impression.
We were seated amongst a flurry of women, a table of botoxed-babes shouting about their dating service for the more mature among us. Anymore plugging and I’d be forced to yank the chain. You feel me?
But what really interested me was the way Sam and Samantha interacted, how their views differed – and even more so, how their minds met from time to time.
Take one comment in particular – about finding yourself before you can find a relationship. Both Sams agreed that a person with a full and busy life, someone that isn’t sitting in a club surrounded by their friends with their ‘desperate eyes’ on, is unbelievably attractive. There isn’t that want for a person to fill a gap in their lives – there doesn’t even seem to be much space to begin with, what with all the life living going on. It satisfies our basic need for the chase – and we love it. Samantha asked everyone to go home and write down five things they have always wanted to do, and to then make it our mission to do those things sooner rather than later. All the while helping us to become more well-rounded people with enriched lives. It’s all very interesting, impressively positive stuff. Better than the usual don’t call/act uninterested gibberish women are flogged with.
One thing Samantha said did niggle at me a bit I must admit. It’s about how sometimes as women, even as women who are aware of the times we’re nagging our boys, often decide that the point is more important than the outcome, nag our men about something that’s probably trivial and in turn, make ourselves a seem a little more obligation, less fun. Okay – i’ll pay that. The nagging thing does get me. But her suggestion to do away with the nagging and still get what we want kind of irked me.
Now i’m no tough feminist, but taking Samantha’s advice and using our ‘feminine wiles’ and our sexuality to get what we want does seem a tad primal – and dated. Samantha suggested we ask for what we want, while making sure there’s something in it for him. For example, say your man won’t take you out to dinner – this is how it should go down… “Honey, I’d really love it if you could take me to dinner, if you do, i’ll wear that little black dress – and then after dinner, i’ll show you what’s underneath it!” A few people went ‘oooh’ and i swear i heard a wolf whistle, but my question is, what if you’re not body confident and you don’t feel comfortable putting that on a platter? Don’t tell me we have to resort to healthy debate?
The next point was luckily, much more valid. A member of the audience asked why some guys she meets just aren’t ready to settle down. Samantha and Sam were both quick to answer that it’s important to find guys in ‘the right place’ there is no point pursuing a guy that isn’t ready to settle. Likewise, if he’s not everything you want or need him to be, then he’s not your answer, even if you’d really like him to be. Girls i’m saying if he’s not good on the phone, let him go and move on, if he’s not as affectionate as you’d like, let him go and move on, if he’s not ready to commit and check in to the relationship 110 per cent, yep, you guessed it… let him go and move on.
I liked that last one. Too many women stand there in their peep toe pumps sobbing that their dude won’t call when he said he would, won’t meet her parents, won’t stay at her place. But the fact of the matter is that he’s not in the right place – he’s not ready to settle. Girls just don’t know when a guy should just be dropped and left by the wayside, we try to change them, to wait around and put up with the bullshit until he’s ready. And as unfair and barbaric as it may sound, that’s just the way it is – but he doesn’t know what he’s missing – and when you do find the guy of your dreams and pop out a few perfect children with angelic ringlets you should buy that Mr. no-settle a beer, because he’s done you one whopper of a favour, right?
What is your best advice for women with men that won’t commit?
What did you think Man Whispering was about?
Do you think I’m gay for going to this thing? It’s okay, you can say it…