When does playing the asshole card work?

I don’t know how many of you have had the strange delight of tuning into Geordie Shore over the last year or so, but those who have must know how much you seriously have to brush up on your hearing and open your mind – you literally can’t understand a word they say (it’s amazing.)

They’re the Newcastle pick of the litter, who have been cooped up now for the second time in a party pad with too much booze, too few beds and no rules, with outstanding consequences. They’ve made ‘banging’ and ‘let’s get mortal’ household terms, and have even brought issues like thrush to the table when Vicki described new girl Becca as  “so annoying… she’s like trush.” But really it sounded more like, “she’s su annoyin’… she’s like throosh.” (hehe)

Now I’m not normally into these kind of lame, totally predictable reality series (hey Jersey Shore, get off our screens already!), but Geordie Shore really hit the mark for me – and many, many others.

What’s more amazing than the crazy terminology, and the endless desire to get wasted and bed hop, is the vulnerability of all of the characters and experiencing their way of life. Take Gaz for example – his little opening one liner in the beginning of the show is, “I should have a degree in pulling women.” Funny I agree – but the best part is he actually believes it – and he should.

The guys gets whatever he wants. And hey sure, he’s good looking and all, but he’s so into himself you couldn’t even be sure he wasn’t thinking of himself when you were playing tonsil hockey with him in a club. Now for me, total turn off – no questions asked, but for the Newcastle crew, the similarities to Jersey Shore are a little too identical. The girls are actually into guys who are more into themselves than anyone else. Lads who like the gym, a tan and a chest wax – guys that seem like they’re from a different planet to the boys I know.

I just don’t get it. Looks-wise yeah okay, Gaz and the other guys in the Geordie house are hot (with the exception of Jay – his waxed brows are more manicured than mine, and I’m in beauty for fucks sake!) but why can Gary act like a dickhead, sleep with housemate Charlotte over and over and then still pick up other girls, or ‘worldies’ (good-looking, out-of-this-world girls), and get away with it? The mind, it boggles I tells ya.

It got me to thinking about guys in general. Why does playing the asshole card work? Why do we as girls, love a little bit of that. I bet you’re sitting there shaking your head insisting that you like to be treated with respect and like a princess, and I just want to say ‘woah lady, just hear me out, yeah?’ I’m not saying you want to be treated like rubbish by your dude, all i’m saying is that we as females, like to be involved in the chase a little. To save the bad guy and be the one who turns him good. It’s a fantasy for some girls, a way to earn his respect and win him over, while the good guys suffer by the wayside.

Seems pretty stupid, doesn’t it?

I have a guy friend, let’s call him Bert – who is one of the nicest guys I know. He’s successful, down-to-earth and really funny, but he treats his potential conquests like dirt. Literally like they’re nor worth the gum on his shoe. I was appalled, naturally – and he explained that he didn’t really know why, but it just worked. He wasn’t ever ‘mean’ to them as such, but he just always seemed aloof and uninterested, which seemed to make them try harder.

It’s kind of like what I like to call the ‘turntable dynamic’, you always want to be the one on top, and when the tables turn and you’re left flailing, wondering how he got the upper hand, you work harder to get it back, because everyone secretly wants to be in control – the one that’s less into the other person, it takes the vulnerability away from you and shoves it over to him – and that’s why we’re so responsive when we feel like we’ve lost the upper hand. The desire to turn the tables takes over – and it becomes a mission in itself to change things.

It’s not because we like being treated like a fresh piece of dog poop.

So Charlotte, don’t feel bad if Gaz acts like a twat – the truth is if he was a nice guy who serenaded you with flowers and a mix tape and cried while you made love, you’d swap his ass for a dickhead with a bad tan and an unhealthy obsession with his own reflection anyway. So yeah – good luck!






Do you seem to be into the assholes?

Do you think girls crave affection from the ones they’re least likely to get it from?

Who do you think is a bigger twat, Charlotte or Gaz?