Breaking up is hard to do.
One of my best friends in the whole world is going through a break-up.
Oh I know what you’re thinking. No biggy – everyone breaks up at some point! And that’s what I’ve been telling her too…
I’ve seen so many of my friends go through horrendous, heart-wrenching splits and come out the other side to tell the tale – only to fall more in love with some other fella and wonder why they were ever so heart-broken over their ex in the first place.
I know people get over it and they move on – but, you try telling that to someone who feels as though they’ve had their heart ripped out and smooshed all over the highway.
I can tell you from experience, that is honestly what it feels like when you split with someone who has basically assumed the ‘Best Friend’ role in your life for a significant amount of time.
Suddenly, that name that you were so used to seeing pop up on your phone screen stops appearing. You stop hearing about what they’re up to, you are no longer comforted by their companionship – and it effing sucks, it really does.
What I want to tell my friend is that I know, I know it bloody sucks donkey balls. Because there wasn’t even a real reason for the split – it just wasn’t the right timing for them. So she can’t even be angry, or hate him – she just wants him back – and my heart breaks for her.
People who constantly try to ‘help’ people by telling them that they’ll move on and they’ll be okay aren’t really helping the situation as much as they’re just sticking a big old band-aid over it. You need to dig deep into the wound before you can start to let it truly heal.
You need to let them cry, let them feel shitty and let them mourn, because it really does feel like the person you love has died in a way – it can sometimes be just as difficult to deal with.
Once you’ve had your grieving period, only then can you really begin to heal properly. You start to notice other people, begin to focus on the other areas of your life that bring you joy, the activities that make you happy – the hobbies that make you feel fulfilled.
It’s a wonderful way to rediscover a sense of ‘you’ that tends to get a little lost when you become part of a ‘we’ – and you should try to soak up every minute.
The fact is this; break-ups are shit, they make you wonder why you ever put your heart out there in the first place, but what you need to realise is that you will do it again because even though you feel like a bloody big mess now – it was worth it to be loved and feel amazing – and you’ll naturally, actively try to seek out that feeling again – and you should, because you deserve to feel it.
Have you gone through a heart-wrenching split?
Did you think you’d never come out the other side?
Do you have any advice for the ladies who are mid-split and trying to deal?