What to do when you’re not the one that’s moving on


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How does the song go? “When a heart breaks no it don’t break even.”

Even though the grammer is atrocious (double negative anyone?) I can’t help but think it’s so bang on the mark that it’s kind of scary.

When a relationship falls to pieces there is always going to be a primary casualty. Someone who takes it harder than the other, even if it was what they wanted. I don’t mean to generalise, but god knows it’s usually the girls, the poor gender who are plagued with so many emotions we cry when we mean to cheer. Our bodies are majorly fucked up that way.

I know a pair that have split after a long term gig. They weren’t the couple they had started out as at the time that they called it quits, but let’s be honest – not many couples are. The problem with this pair is that they changed and they grew, but it wasn’t together – they didn’t prioritise right – and by the time they realised what had happened, it was ultimately too late.

Now that the split is real, it’s finalised, both parties (who seemingly wanted to call it quits for a while – and would say so after a few vodka sodas on a Saturday night) are stuck in two very different places. One is happy with the split, feels renewed, invigorated – even free. The other, even though they know the split was ultimately the right thing, feels stuck, devastated and lost. Like they didn’t see it coming, didn’t wish for it even. Maybe because it didn’t happen solely on their terms?

It’s hard to know why two people who have been on par for so long, can take something that effects them so equally – so differently.

Not being able to get through to the person who you’ve loved for so long can be daunting. It’s like you’ve lost all of your power, all of the mutual respect and understanding is out the window. You feel lost, like everything you once knew is scary and different and it downright sucks.

What you need to be able to do is step away from the situation, focus less on what the other person is doing, who they’re seeing, what they’re up to – and more on yourself, your own goals, the development of yourself without someone by your side. What about the things you really want? Channel the person that you wanted to be before the split, the person you were before you met that person.

You have to put on a brave face and do your best to move on. There’s a big, exciting world out there – and what I wish you could know is that you will be truly happy again. I can see it (it’s you, dancing in the meadows – really!)

I know people who have broken up with partners and cried themselves to sleep for weeks, sworn that they’d never be happy ever again and thought their life was over, only to meet the love of their lives months later. Then go through a split again, endure the same heart-breaking process and then find another person – who is even better than the last.

We humans are durable people. We’re made of tough stuff and our determination to succeed and be okay comes from within us – and exactly how badly we want it. So go on, make the change, shift the focus – because that person no longer deserves it, you do – more than anyone else you know.

NQCOliviaMackinnonjpg  NQC x

Have you ever been the one that wasn’t moving on?

What are your tips on moving onwards and upwards?

Can you try to explain to readers about your experience with the light at the end of the tunnel?

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