Fading romance: 4 ways to liven things up again


Mr. NQC and I have always made a pact.

This relationship that we have, it’s ours, and we can do with it whatever we please.

We can banish the stereotypes that tell us that after a certain period of time together you become complacent, the sex becomes rarer and the romance, well it all but fades away completely.

In this pact, we decided that we refused to play along to these ‘relationship certainties’ and do whatever we could to ensure that we broke away from the mould – and I actually couldn’t believe how easy it was.

So many people hear of ‘relationship certainties’ like the ones I just described and almost convince themselves that these things need to happen to them. They allow the sex to dwindle and the romance to fade because it’s what, normal? No, not for me it’s not.

If you want your relationship to last, with all of the good stuff intact, there are four things you can do to make it a cinch.

1) actually do things for each other
Complacency is one of the biggest romance (and even relationship) killers. Making the effort to do something for your lover, however small is all it takes to make the other feel loved and taken care of. It can be as simple as making a cup of tea, or getting a glass of water when the other is too tired to get up. Better still, it could be a gesture like giving flowers or leaving a love note. It makes a difference, I pinky swear.

2) surprise sex
Sending a dirty message mid-way through the day is the perfect way to get the blood running through your partner’s veins. It creates excitement and makes it that much more enticing to get it on when you do see each other. Otherwise, if you’re a stickler for a morning or night time session, mix it up by pushing him onto the bed as soon as he gets home from work – it’ll make dinner that much more relaxing and you won’t be ‘too tired’.

3) be the fun option
Too often I hear girls complain that their boyfriend would rather hang with his friends than with her, and vice versa. The truth is men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so the likelihood of them liking the same activities is pretty slim. What you should do is take an interest in each other’s interests and yeah, it may mean a little bit of sacrifice sometimes. But having the conversation and agreeing to do that for each other will do you and your relationship wonders. Better still, find things that you like to do together and those activities will become special to you. Like Mr. NQC and I, we have a special cafe that does bowls of cappuccino and it feels like ‘our place’. We also like to explore new places together and go bowling – that’s our guilty pleasure that is the most fun, ever.

4) make your own rules
The amazing thing about being in a relationship is that there are two people at the helm: you and him (or her). This means that you are both the ‘boss’ and can choose to have any kind of relationship you please, with any number of rules – or no rules at all. Often when someone says ‘Oh, but you’re not letting him do that, are you?’ I smile. Even if the way we conduct ourselves in our relationship isn’t how my best friend Jane would do it, it doesn’t make it wrong. It’s the same with how you choose to parent your children, the decisions you make are yours (as a couple) and yours alone. The fact is that no-one (not even your mum, or his mum or your sister) can tell you how to enjoy your relationship or which rules you need to follow. Just picture yourselves as two little fairies in your own little world doing whatever you want and enjoying the pants off each other and you’ll experience a next level kind of bliss that is more likely to last the distance than the cookie-cutter relationships the people around you are in.

How do you ensure your relationship doesn’t go stale? What do you do to keep the romance alive?